What finally clicked for me after a self-defence class

I've been sitting on writing this one for a bit — and as per usual, chastising myself for not doing it yet. And also as per usual, with anything I tend to put the brakes on putting into the world, it's for a reason. I don't know why I just can't drop the chastising part... anyway.

Back in June I had the opportunity to attend a free personal safety workshop, EmpowerHer, for women, facilitated by volunteer female officers from the Surrey Police Service. (Small world: turns out the lead instructor was an officer who came to facilitate a similar session at one of my Right To Play Youth Symposiums, as part of the Vancouver Police Services program. Funny enough I was even wearing my RTP shirt!)

This isn't the first self-defence workshop I've taken. As someone who likes to be prepared and equipped (Virgo sun, Capricorn rising), I see self-defence along the lines of first aid training. It doesn't make me feel scared that something is going to happen to me. Rather, I feel pretty calm and unfazed, because I know I've spent time programming my subconscious on how to respond to keep me safe.

There were about 40 female participants, ranging in age from 16 to 80, from all different backgrounds, there to learn some simple ways we can keep ourselves safe and respond if we're under threat.

In and of itself, that workshop was already a powerful experience.

But then you layer in the alchemy that takes place when you have professional women who've dedicated their careers to keeping our communities safe (many of whom had already retired from other jurisdictions and were now working with the new Surrey Police) helping other women awaken their inner power, inner fire, inner permission to keep ourselves safe.

You could see it in the group. And I could feel it in myself. I was actually surprised how timid my body was when I first started the drills, because again — not my first self-defence workshop. It took practice, encouragement and a safe environment for this group of 40 women, of all ages, to tap into that inner fierceness.

"Can't tell someone to step back who's in our personal space or touching us in public, because we don't want to be rude. Have to be nice." I cannot tell you how many times that narrative circles in my mind – having been planted there explicitly by society over the years - when I'm in a situation where someone is making me feel uncomfortable.

And during that workshop, I cannot explain to you how necessary, how healing and how empowering it was to have other women give us permission — not that we needed it, but ya, we sort of needed it — to "be rude." To tell someone to back off. To fight back if needed. Permission to protect ourselves.

Now, I work in the field of felt safety — helping people understand how to create interactions and environments where others feel safe enough to engage with them. (Don't forget: if you're in healthcare or the helping profession, the Fall cohort of Decolonized Trauma-Informed Care is open for registration!) I also work in the nervous system collaboration space. Our sympathetic nervous system can get a bad rap, but we need it to keep ourselves safe.

The most powerful thing I felt and saw in this group was this awakening. And it wasn't until this morning, many months after, when I was listening to a voice note from Camille Craft of Vital Mystic, that I put it all together — what I was still trying to put into words from this experience. It's the rising of the divine feminine.

For those newer to the term: we all have divine feminine and masculine energies. This isn't about gender. But I really believe we're in a wave where the divine feminine is waking up — firing up, whatever verb speaks to you. Waking up after the patriarchy has been shutting it down. Waking up and rejecting the expectation that those who've been socialized as women are supposed to be "polite" even when someone is bothering us.

A few weeks ago I saw a video online where a man was following and bothering a woman in public. Some people, including a man, tried to step in and get the guy to leave the woman alone. It wasn't quite working. And then a middle-aged woman steps in — literally, she put her body between the man and the woman. With her arm outstretched in a "stop" position, she raised her voice to confidently command this man to leave the woman alone. And the man backed off immediately. Seeing that woman calmly and confidently step in, embodying her entire authority, was to me an embodiment of the divine feminine awakening.

When I share this online, I'm sure this post will be misunderstood by some. And honestly, I don't care. I care about people feeling safe. I care about people living their best lives. I care about people feeling equipped to care for and tend to the needs of their whole self — body, mind, spirit and emotions.

All that to say: EmpowerHer is hosting another workshop in Surrey in September (https://www.surreypolice.ca/empowerher). I highly encourage you to attend a self-defence workshop — not just those who identify as women. And if you do, take a moment to really notice what it feels like to tap into that inner power.